Love and War
by SonicH2O
Summary: Who did you kill for kate? he asked, his voice nothing mor then a hoarse whisper. S3 spoil Jate one shot


Okay. This is um…Kinda a different approach then what I usually have I think. But it is still a oneshot.

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Need to know:_Basically, Kate and Sawyer returned to the beach after Jack held Ben ransom on the operating table. He bleeds out, and the others kept Jack and tortured him physically and emotionally for a month before he escaped._

She sat down next to him silently. Watching the flames as they rise and fall in his eyes. He was starring over the fires, most likely trying to keep his mind from wandering back to whatever horrors the Others had put him through. She wished that he would let her in. Let her know what he was thinking, what he was feeling. But she couldn't. She had no special privy to that information, to his heart. She knew that much. But she still hoped that he would open up. She didn't know how long she sat next to him, hoping that her silent presence would cause him to realize that she was still there for him, that she wouldn't leave him, no matter how tough things were. That she was done running, when he finally spoke.

"Who did you kill for Kate?" he asked quietly, his voice nothing more then a hoarse whisper.

"What?" her voice conveying her shock at the questions forwardness.

"When I was over there, with the others, I had lots of time to think. About who I was, what I'd done, what others had done. Why we'd done those things," He turned his head and locked eyes with her for a split second before turning towards the camp. "Almost everyone on this beach is a killer. The others drilled that fact into my head. Every flaw, every mistake, Every life taken. And as I was lying there half dead, praying that they would hurry up and kill me, I started to ask myself, "What could make so many seemingly normal people murderers?"...And eventually, I think I found the answer. The only human emotion, that is strong enough to make someone kill, is love."

"Jack," Kate said, her voice breaking, "The man I killed….it had nothing to do with love."

Jack shock his head slightly, his gaze drifting out to the ocean again. "No, just hear me out on this. Charlie killed for himself and for Claire. Soldiers kill for their country, I killed for you….I guess it isn't fair to ask you to tell me who you killed for if you can't" he whispered the last part, as if deciding it had been a bad opener in retrospect , "I just want to know who you loved enough to give up that innocence for"

Shifting uncomfortably, Kate weakly joked, " Most people associate losing innocence with losing your virginity, not with becoming a murderer Jack." He smiled weakly back at her, but again shock his head in disagreement, the look in his eye telling Kate, that though he was right there next to her, he was truly a world away.

"You don't lose a part of yourself because you have sex Kate. You might gain a new part, a new level of trust, love or respect, but you don't lose. But you lose a part of yourself when you kill. Almost like it died with them, like you actually killed a part of yourself when you pulled the trigger, or cut into a kidney."

Kate toar her gaze off of him, and the pain in his eyes, refocusing on the ocean like he was, as tears, each one a memory of her own loss and pain cascaded down her cheeks.

"The only reason you aren't arguing is because you know I'm right," he said, his voice low but steady. " But you hate it," It was a simple statement, accompanied by a bitter chuckle. "I did too, at first. You hate that love, an emotion we all preach about, its wonder, and the happiness and light and hope it is suppose to bring, is the one emotion stronger then hate. That any feeling can run that deep, can have a hold inside you that is suppose to be like magic, but is more like a poison. That it gives you the will to take another persons life. To make another person just…stop existing. Maybe it isn't always a love of someone else, of their well being. Maybe it's narcissistic, maybe it's a material love, like a drug, and maybe it's a memory of a love and the tragedies and horror that caused you to lose it. But it's still an act of love. It's sick and it's twisted, but it's the truth. It's so much easier to say hate is what causes evil, because it's bad. Love…it's supposed to be good and pure, and no one wants to blame something bad on it. Because no one wants to taint it, that fairytale like purity that people make love out to be. But love is tainted. It is like every other emotion we have. It isn't black and white. Its imperfect, it's messed up…just like everything and everyone else. And no one can fix it. And I am tired of trying to."

He finally looked at her. The love, the passion, the compassion, the hurt, the anger, and the confusion were all radiating from his intense gaze. It had an effect on her like no other. The emotions it stirred within her; the look was completely, utterly and souly Jack.

"Who did you kill for Kate?" he asked again.

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That's it. Hope it isn't too bad. For the record before Ii get angry messages wanting to discuss what causes people to kill, I won't pretend to be an expert on it. We can debate it all day if you want, but I would be playing devils advocate, b/c I don't agree with it. But given what Jack could potentially go through…and the Jater in me wanting them to talk about how they deal with knowing they ended someone's life, I feel this is a legit point of view Jack could come back from the others camp with.

Read and review please!


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